Outlaw to House #3

Were I gay, I would not want to fuck myself.

Men As Fashion Accessories #2

Some men are Jimmy Choos and some are Old Navy flip flops. Why would you spend extra time and effort on fixing up Old Navy flip flops when you can buy another pair for $2.50? But Jimmy Choos are worth the effort.

Men As Fashion Accessories #1

Boyfriends are like bras: if they're not supportive, you throw them out.

Ratified Guest M to Default

I was a little bit distracted by the nipple in my eye.

Hammer to House #4

Anybody would be Ke$ha for Jake Gyllenhaal.

Blondie to House #4

I just do S&M with my food. Not with my men.

Hammer to House #3

I need a box of . . . oh, fuck me.