Outlaw to House #3

Were I gay, I would not want to fuck myself.

Men As Fashion Accessories #2

Some men are Jimmy Choos and some are Old Navy flip flops. Why would you spend extra time and effort on fixing up Old Navy flip flops when you can buy another pair for $2.50? But Jimmy Choos are worth the effort.

Men As Fashion Accessories #1

Boyfriends are like bras: if they're not supportive, you throw them out.

Ratified Guest M to Default

I was a little bit distracted by the nipple in my eye.

Hammer to House #4

Anybody would be Ke$ha for Jake Gyllenhaal.

Blondie to House #4

I just do S&M with my food. Not with my men.

Hammer to House #3

I need a box of . . . oh, fuck me.

Hammer and Default #1

Default: No one has seen the scissors in like, a month.
Hammer: That probably means that they're in my room.
Default: . . . I'm not going to ask.
Hammer: I probably needed to open something.
Default: Your legs?

Blondie and Hammer #2

Hammer: I just really wish my period would come already.
Blondie: Maybe if you wish hard enough, you'll get an elipsis. And then you'll have period after period after period.

Text from Hammer to Default #1

I apologize in advance if there are rhinestones in the shower.

Blondie and Hammer #1

Hammer: Did you just kiss my head?
Blondie: I just kissed whatever you put in front of my face.

Text from Outlaw to Default #1

I meant to accomplish important and profound things today; instead I railed a random.

Blondie to House #3

All our body parts were talking.

Blondie to Hammer #1

As our friendship grows, your butt does, too.

Blondie and Default #2

Blondie: He can also make a fist with his foot.
Default: That's a handy skill to have, in case he's ever in a fight and both of his hands are broken.

Outlaw to House #2

We're like Friends. If it was on Skinemax.

Ginger V. to House #2

If he's not on top of me, underneath of me, or behind me, I can't enjoy him.

Baggsy to House #1

Aw . . . Now that's a dick.

Ginger V. to House #1

I didn't realize he was naked.

Mortal Kombat #1

8/14/11: Default and Ratified Guest M.

Blondie and Default #1

Blondie: My internet is being a whore.
Default: No, if it was being a whore it would be easier to use.

Blondie to House #2

Well, Hammer and I usually share a load.

Ginger V. to House #1

I just want a guy who wants to put me in a cage. What's so wrong with that?

Hammer to House #2

I'm like a sexy Betty Crocker.

Outlaw to House #1

I wouldn't fuck him with your vagina.

Hammer to House #1

I NEED MY BODY FOR MY WORK.

Blondie to House #1

Don't mind me, I'm just fingering the chicken.

Hammer to Blondie #1

Hey, Boo-Boo? When it dings in 26 seconds, do you want me to take it out?

House Rule #9

Must feed the Outlaw (with skanks).

House Rule #8

Don't condone Ginger V.

House Rule #7

Outlaw and Ginger V. aren't allowed to leave.

House Rule #6

Beer Street Emergency: When a member of the household needs to talk about something serious with the other members of the house, whether they are in need of advice or simply venting, they text "Beer Street Emergency" to all members. If members are scattered outside of the house, instructions will be texted informing everyone who to call in order to receive an update. All available members MUST respond to a Beer Street Emergency.

House Rule #5

Blondie's back door is always open.

House Rule #4

Mortal Kombat: When a member of the house has brought back a "friend", and they are approaching the moment of climax, they must shout out, "Mortal Kombat!" Whoever is in the house and hears this must rush to the door where the act is taking place and shout out, "Finish him/her!"

House Rule #3

Beer Street is like Vegas: What happens here stays here.

House Rule #2

If you leave booze at the house, it will not be here when you return. There is no reimbursement for guests.

House Rule #1

Never refuse a first drink at Beer Street.